my 'principle'?

Good Lord.
within a few hours,
i turned a best friend down,
pushing him into a great disappointment...

it has been 4 years,
but still,
i don't know why,
i'm still the same,
who's not gonna change.
selfish, self-centered, impatient, etc...
never once i removed it from my weaknesses' list.
doing things at one instant due to impatience,
and then only get afraid of the consequences,
and try every best to save the conflicted situation,
by the thing that i always do,
that's keep on saying 'sorry' and 'sorry'.


apologies may be sincere,
sincerity may be true.
however,
do i really think that a dozens of 'sorry' will gain back every ruined pieces of puzzles?
a simple 'sorry' can heal people's already-wounded-heart?
never-ending begs can remove the scar from a person's heart?
it's a no no no.
i realise it,
but why do i keep doing the same mistake??

at times i feel like escaping this reality,
wish that i've never done anything,
wish that i've no emotions.
but keep on escaping will only make things worse,
because any day, any time,
i'll still have to face it.


so there lays the conflict,
because of this 'principle' of mine.
and i wonder,
whether i'm holding the right principle in my life...