20th Big Day

So if you asked me, how is your 20th big day like?
I'll say,
Perhaps nothing special...
This is the only time, 
Where I did not have any celebration;
With family, or relatives, or friends, or colleagues.

So if you asked me, how do you feel?
I'll say,
Not much of surprises...
But reading through all the wishes from SMS, to Whatsapp, to Facebook,
The warmth fills my heart continuously for the whole day.
Even though some were just short messages,
But the messages were there, and I felt them.
So, I'm happy overall. ;)

So if you asked me, do you feel disappointed?
I'll say,
A little bit.
Because I still go unnoticed by this special someone.
As usual.
Have been asking myself to put him down and carry on,
But this process seems to take longer than usual.
And I wonder why.

Am I still waiting for miracle to happen?
Have I really fallen into him?
Does he have any idea on how I felt towards him while I've concealed it well?
I don't know.
Most of my diary's entries were about him,
And I wonder why I find it so hard to convince myself to put him down.

Yeah. The disappointment stays, of course.
And a little bit of relief --
A little bit of having myself convinced that I really should just let go and move on.

I hope I will get myself totally convinced for the next few months.
One of my birthday wishes of the year,
Even though I wished things could have gone the other way round...

But human beings always face conflicts and struggles, don't we?

So on this night of my big day,
I bid the world out there good night.

And I appreciate God for making me a living individual. :)