Here I am feeling it again.
The pool of insecurity and uncertainty.
Not knowing what to expect,
The affection keeps moving in and out of my heart chamber,
With no translucent view of reality and imagination.
The gate is always left unlocked,
While the sign 'Beware' is hanged onto the top,
Forever so vividly visible on the wooden crane.
The gate just allows the VIP to walk in,
And out.
And the owner wonders,
If it is all under her control?
The past memories that are once kept in my Pandora's box,
Are constantly flowing out and pacing around my mind.
I do have the conscience of doing something that is right to be done,
Or more accurately something that shall bring any GOOD to myself.
But the fear towards the impacts of wishful thinking,
The hurt towards deception and rejection,
Keeps lingering around in my inwit that I have to shove them away violently.
It is like a malfunction compass,
Which has lost its sense of magnitude and direction,
Trying hard to seek for the magnetic field from the far North pole.
While the needle is swinging back and forth for the slightest guidance,
It has to hold it firmly in grip for the unwanted loss in future.
Perhaps this is just the typical me,
Who lives in her own mysterious world of sensitive judgements;
Who tries to turn temporary patheticness into eternal happiness;
Who attempts to pick up to remember and put down to forget;
And WHO,
Always struggles to find out the real, genuine and original self.
So with me always have been living in various personalities along these 18 years,
And I wonder,
If someday my cavity will not be filled with emptiness anymore.
I do not know what is your faith in religion,but i shall ascertain you, uncertainties are God's way of testing you. Not only your will, but your mental strength are put into test. everything that happens happened for a reason. Expectations are an double edge sword ; not expecting enough may bring you into a state of distrust to your own capability, whilst expecting sky high hits you into the ground when you do not achieve. therefore it is wise to not expect too much. while affections runs wild in your heart, bear in mind whether or not it is truthful to you, what seems the best may actually hurt you .
ReplyDeleteJust like all doors, the owner holds the key. to open, or not to open. depends on the owner.see how things are, and be sincere to yourself. to let, or not to let the person into your heart, and if that person really is your VIP.the beware sign halts journey of people into your heart, take it off and you may see the best in people,
you are a Pisces, and this is what halting you, overthinking. Not all are perfect, but a Pisces such as you will be able to accept this right?? neither of us are perfect, we are but a dust in the universe, live life to the fullest and see the best in everything.
Sincere and naggingly,
Joey The Cousin
thanks~ :)
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