what should I do?

Read a friend's blog and found that there were many stuffs that I couldn't agree more. 
There were those emotions that we have shared in common.
Home sickness, solitude, loneliness, and so on;
Many feelings that I've not been able to describe and put into words were all visible on the computer screen, right in front of me.

I always thought I was the only one going through all these as other pals of the same age seem to carry on perfectly fine;
I found myself vary from who I was just one or two years ago.
I used to be 'power hungry', aiming for reputation and so forth.
Upon working and entering college, things had changed.
I turned out to be a completely different person, who wanted to be just a passive follower and keep myself away from social events.
And I had an unsolvable conflict with a friend of mine for the first time in my life.

Great. Things are getting more complicated as we age.

I do realise the importance of academic especially in this pre-U stage;
But what I have found out about myself is,
I no longer do last minute revision, but tend to slack at the very moment before the exam starts.
My superego has been urging me to study but I just can't push or pick myself up to do it.
I would just force myself to stare at the book and end up doing other things instead (exactly what I'm doing right now).

During the last semester, I thought I could only study best in my hostel but not at home;
This sem turns out in an opposite direction, especially during this very moment, the AS examination month.
I felt as if yeah I'm locked in this prison and I can't breathe and I wanna get out of this hell so much.
And I countdown for the days to go home.
I've actually gone home twice during the exam month, even though just for a couple of days is sufficient for me to erase my boredom and to get the warmth from my family members.
And I don't wanna come back.

I've been convincing myself that everything's gonna end very very soon, in a mean time.
But now that I'm having an indecision, I'm struggling between hope and fear for the future.
I do not know what to expect.
I know that for now I'm pretty sure I'll not regret for the choice that I've made but still, there's something that keeps me from putting the decision into action.
Yes, the 'something': anxiety, insecurity and fear.

But in certain extent life is arranged by God, and it's my fate on whether I'll be able to achieve my dream, after all.
So what's the point of stressing myself out to do something which I do not want to do?

Sigh. I don't know.
Very irresponsible to say these 3 words out loud to myself but seriously, for now,