Beauty in the eye of the beholder? I guess not

Today, he said something which totally caught me off guard. 

I have always known that he likes pretty girl. 

I have always known that my look is not up to his standard.

I have always known that he could be self-centered at times.

But,

What he said today really struck me hard.

Our conversation was happy and we chitchat as usual.

Until he happily wanna share with me his idea for the MVoice next year. 

He said he has an idea for his solo MV already.

And I was like, yeah that's great! Go ahead and share with me!

He said he wanted to sing a love song, and he wanted a girl in his MV.

And so I was happily anticipating, would that be me? ^_^

But before I answered the question implicitly,

Just within a split second,

He said he wanted to get a pretty girl in his MV.

And he asked me to guess who that was.

I was shocked.

And my heart sunk. 

But I still said the name of the girl out, acting normal.

Then he was so surprised and happy at the same time, asking why my guess could be so accurate. 

Then he continued bluffing about his superb idea. 

While my heart was already shattering.

I have lived so long and I have always been confident with my look.

Although I knew that I do not have outstanding facial features, nor to say a pretty face,

My ego has never been bothered by my look.

But today is the first time,

That my confidence was smashed just because of this factor.

Just because he felt that I was not qualified to be in his video.

Just because he felt that it would be a shame to have me in his video...

I wonder why did he not see the inner beauty of me.

I have done so much for him.

And at last it is all the external beauty that he looks for. 

My efforts, my love, my sacrifice,

All of these are not even eligible, not even enough to compensate a small degree of beauty that SHE possesses???! 

But who should I blame?

I proposed to him in the very first place.

He accepted me just to try it out. 

My feelings never count; my love never counts; my sacrifice never counts. 

All he want is just fame. 

Am I just an object?

Or a substitute of his future hot girlfriend?

There is always a possibility that he will ditch me one day.

I am not as valuable as I thought I was. 

Not anymore.  

Who says beauty is in the eye of the beholder?

I really was too naive to even believe that crap. 

But deep down, 

It hurts.

It really hurts... 

And it still hurts.